idk what to name this [02/01/25]
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!! i haven't written a new blog post since last year... heh (sorry). i wanted to make a new post right after christmas, but i got lazy... so this entry will have both the things i wanted to talk about earlier and some new year stuff!
i'm currently in one of those vacation houses (is that the english name?), and the day after christmas A LOT of relatives arrived here. only my parents and me were here, and suddenly there was almost 10 more people!! my grandparents decided to come here days before than they were supposed to, so i had to share a room with my brother earlier than i was expecting... one thing that really stressed me was that my uncle and aunt brought their dog with them, after telling my mom they wouldn't do that (T_T) i really dislike most dogs (i'm scared of them), especially their dog... on top of that i also stopped taking my anxiety medication very recently, so i was in a horrible mood for a few days (honestly i think these are things i shouldn't complain so much about, but like this is my personal blog!! let me complain!!). thankfully almost everyone already left (including the dog), and i'm going back home in 2 days.
though some things that made me really happy happened too! one of the things is that i got a really cute (late) christmas present from my brother's girlfriend.
it's a letter set, tamagotchi inspired sticky notes, and a WAX SEALING SET?? she remembered i like letter sets and stationery with stupid designs, and the wax sealing set feels like a really unique gift but it 100% matches my interests!! she also gave me a l'occitane body lotion :D i really like my brother's girlfriend, she always gives me nice gifts.
ok, now new year stuff!! i wish i could write a lot of things that happened in 2024, but nothing really happened, either positive or negative... i spent most of time sleeping, and i hate that! i feel like i wasted a whole year! only "important" thing that i can remember is i created this website, but i wish i had played more games or even just watched more anime, so i could remember SOMETHING instead of just sleeping.
this year is my last year of highschool, and i'm sad about that. no, i don't like highschool, i'm sad that everything i always wish would happen on the next school year could also not happen this year, and then i would have no more "chances". every year i wish to make friends, and it never happens. my dad says that school friends don't last after highschool ends, and i completely believe that, but i don't care. i just wish i could make nice memories in my school years. or have someone to talk after school. i don't even know if my classmates talked to each other after school, maybe my expectations of what friendship should be like are too high.
there's also the problem that i have to start university next year. i don't even know what major i want (i hope that is the correct word). choosing a university is also hard. the public one is better, but it's hard to enter and it's in another city. i can't live on my own, but i feel like if i never leave my parent's house i will never grow up. my parents want me to stay, but they let my brother leave... if i don't do the same, i'll feel like a failure. i wish i wasn't so dependent on them, but at the same time i keep thinking that living alone sounds so scary. but the only other option is the private university. it's in my city, but so expensive... i would feel so bad making my parents pay for something that they wouldn't have to if i wasn't like this.
this is making me very depressed... so here's some 2025 goals i have:
- read more books and watch more movies... honestly just consume more media in general, instead of doomscrolling and sleeping all day
- draw more!!
- idk i think that's it
writing "sad" blog posts like this feels so embarrassing, but i think it made me feel better (even if i cried a little and my nose is runny now). happy new year!! and bye!!!!!!!!
currently:
- thinking that: i really need to sleep now lol (it's 4:30AM)
- listening to: orange lounge - orange lounge
- mood: hungry
